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I often tell my clients, “You can’t hate yourself into a place of love. The journey dictates the destination.”

You might be scratching your head and wonder what I mean by that. It’s simple…yet not so simple 😉

Trying to hate yourself into a place of love, especially when you are trying to take off weight, will never work.

First and foremost, hate is never a sustainable motivator. If you are motivated to make changes and take action from a place of hate, or even fear, it may motivate you for a short time – but then it will ‘wear off’.

I’m sure, if you are reading this, then you’ve had this or a similar experience:

You look in the mirror and are disgusted by what you see. You say to yourself ‘That’s it – I’m starting my diet tomorrow and putting my gym membership to use.” You resolve to eat right and start exercising. You start out with a bang, doing everything you ‘should’ be doing and you are feeling pumped….Until, you have a bad day and that Ben & Jerry’s starts beaconing you from the freezer. So you grab the Ben & Jerry’s – and the brownies, because what’s ice cream without the brownies – and hey you’ve already blown it anyway, so let’s pile it all on and start again on Monday.

The problem is that you are relying solely on willpower here. And willpower requires A LOT of energy. So when that nasty inner voice (fueled by hate) starts firing off in your head, and you no longer have the energy to fight it, you give in and resort to old habits, patterns and behaviors.

But when you are coming from a place of love, you take the time to listen to that inner voice and what it’s trying to accomplish – even if it’s going about it in a less than helpful way. When you take the time to listen and figure out what is needed, you can figure out a more productive way of getting those needs met. And if you are coming from a place of love and do happen to revert to those old behaviors, you are able to be kind and forgiving of yourself for having had a set-back, so that you don’t keep going while thinking “I’ve blown it anyway.”

Another reason why trying to hate yourself to a place will never work, is because as I said before – ‘The journey dictates the destination.’ If you are letting that hateful inner voice, (your inner mean girl), run the show by telling you what you can or cannot do, it is going to be a very long journey.

The inner mean girl usually shows up saying things like “You know you shouldn’t eat that, it’s only going to make you fat.” “There’s no way you can pull off that dress.” “You know you should go for a walk, but of course you will sit your fat butt on the couch instead – you’re pathetic” “Yeah, going to the beach would be fun but then you would have to wear a bathing suit.”

And she’s usually the one trying to motivate you to do all the things you think you “should” be doing and preventing you from doing some of the things you’d really like to do (like go out dancing with your friends and wearing those cute jeans). But guess what – If you’ve been letting her run the show all this time, what makes you think she will disappear once you hit that magic number on the scale?


She will not magically disappear. She will still be there and making you feel like you are ‘not enough’ – Not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough…not enough


The only way to be enough is to come from a place of love. Love is the only sustainable motivating factor. Love is the only way to get to a destination of love. Love will enable you to nourish your body in ways that feel good to you (even if it involves chocolate cake every now and then). And love will enable you to move your body in ways that are pleasurable and enjoyable to you, rather than engaging in torturous exercises to punish yourself for eating said chocolate cake.

This is a challenging concept for many, especially if they have been coming from a place of hate for so long. And there is no simple answer as to how to turn this around. You just have to start the journey.

One way to start is to make a practice of writing down 3 things that you love about yourself each day, each day making it something different. You can also practice writing down each day one thing that you are grateful for, because gratitude harvests love.

It’s a practice and a journey, and it doesn’t happen overnight. But it does require you to start. So I encourage you to start the journey today.

© 2021 TheNourishingWay